it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
My vagina just recognized that song.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
