Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
