I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
