if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
