so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
