I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
