drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
