by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
