So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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