for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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