Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
