Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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