Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
