I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
