He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
