mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Randomize
