I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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