You smell like a Billy Joel song
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
