Midget sex pt 2 tonight
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
