I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
where does the pee come out of this thing
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
