I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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