so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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