i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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