I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize