I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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