oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
