she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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