brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
