My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I FOUND THE LEGS
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
