So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
