So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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