when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
