$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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