I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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