Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
