you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize