got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
