YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize