Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
