you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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