I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
