i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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