is your mom at the bar?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
