It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
