I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
