11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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