4 words: hood of his car
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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