So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
