Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
