On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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