After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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