one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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