splinters make it hard to masturbate
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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