Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
