Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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