I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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