Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
