Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
