so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize