I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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