i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
