He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
