I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
