HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
