So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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